Numb
by The Bride of constant Vigil
Summary: Most people are born with their souls completely intact, and most of them never have to worry about losing their other halves, but alas, not everyone can be born that way, and those who have their souls split apart realize the pain of not having their other with them. What is it like to be one half, to not be whole? Two-shot
1. Chapter 1

**Numb**

Yin and Yang, opposing forces of nature, always battling with each other, but in the end, they are always balancing out the other. Both of them are enemies in the world, but they both need each other, they both rely on each other so that one doesn't overpower, even if it wishes to. Then, what happens when you take one away, does the other one become all powerful. No, the other one shatters, it becomes a mess, and eventually, everything around it will follow within that same mess. There will no longer be order and balance in the world. No, instead the world will tear itself apart, no matter who triumphs. Good can be as evil as its counterpart, just like too much love results in hate, too much good results in evil. Or does it? I am not a philosopher, simply an observer, someone who takes in the little things and tries to process it within my mind. We all know that good and evil need to remain in a balance within our material world, and probably even parts of the spiritual world, but what happens when the bad, or in this case the darkness, the yami, is gone? Is the light, or hikari free? Or are they left in a bigger mess?

He was my best friend, that is the easiest way to put it, but, it doesn't explain anything. He was, no, he still is me. He is what I am deep inside, and what I will never amount to be. He is everything I want to be, yet everything I fear. He's gone, but I still need him. I sent him away because I knew his journey in our world was done, and that it was time for him to go back.

Now, before you guys get it confused, I am not saying I am in love with him. No, he is more like a brother, no closer than that. He is that one person that I am willing to tell everything to, that one person who I would ditch by girlfriend or boyfriend for just to hang out with, I wonder if he thinks the same? Now, however, since he is gone, I am left starving and striving for something that I may never have, once again, it is not love, but then again, what should I call it, hmm, I guess I'll leave it at the basics, I want my yami back, my darkness.

_He hated me and I hated him. It was truly a simple relationship, one always trying to rid the world of the other, but we both knew that we couldn't, or at least not alone. He protected me, yet he hurt me. He stabs me when I try to save my friends during Monster World, but when that Shadow Game on the blimp was doing whatever it was doing to me, he protected me. You know that thing, the love/hate relationships, yeah, well, it's not that either. It is...something._

_Now, things have changed. He is gone, back to his own time, and I am alone again. I guess by now I should be used to it, I've been alone since I was seven. The friends I made never lasted, mainly the fact that the spirit of the ring used to capture their souls, but even now I am still friendless. Am I friendless because no one likes me? No, in fact, most of the girls at the school adore me, but I have no interest in them, I have no interest in anyone. Quite frankly, I am asexual, people, they don't affect me. No, I'm not secretly head over heels in love with the spirit, he is kinda just...there, like how I am here and you are there. There is nothing else to it._

_"Yugi! C'mon, we're going to the arcade," Anzu calls out smiling brightly, Joey and Honda yapping on the sides in a dog-like fashion. No wonder where he got his nickname from._

I make my move and make my way over to them, flashing them a fake smile on my way. I don't smile anymore. Smiles are for those who are happy, but I'm not happy, I don't feel anything anymore. Well, that's not true, I do feel this insatiable need, the need to be close to my yami, but, I usually ignore it.

I glance over my shoulder to see Ryou, he is staring blankly at the page before him. He has been acting different too, as though he feels the same way I do. At first, I thought I was delusional, but then, I saw his eyes, his eyes were never so soulless, empty, the same feeling within me.

I wonder, do my friends notice my difference? Do they even care? Sure, they mourned Atem's death for a couple of moments, but then they started looking at the bright-side of everything, speaking about finally being able to rest in school, and no longer having to deal with saving the world, and Duel Monsters being just a card game. For them, those were easy, but for me, there were dramatic changes, Duel Monsters is now just a game, and my deck, is now just a deck, the limited Shadow Magic I had is now gone, and now there is no voice in the back of my head telling me what to do. Did I mention the insatiable longing within me? Is this how it feels to be normal, I hate it. Once you have a taste of Shadow Magic, well, you just want more and more of it. It's a drug, and once you have a pinch, you are forever changed. I kind of wonder how I got along before all of this? What was different before I got the puzzle, before I solved the puzzle, before I met my yami?

_Yugi and his friends exit the classroom and I spare them one last glance, three bumbling idiots and one person, no, half a person who is suffering the loss of his other half. People are idiots, or at least a good amount of them are, they think they know everything and that they are on top of the world, but they aren't they know nothing._

_I sigh getting out if my seat and making my way over to the door. I walk to my locker and prepare to go home, when of course the normal people walk up to me._

_"Kon'nichiwa Ryou-kun," a feminine perky voice says and I turn around to see Miho standing there. You see, Miho went to an all-girl school to try and get over her obsession with boys, and now, I can affirm that those girls probably had some form of pictures of naked guys somewhere because honestly, she hasn't changed._

_"Hello Miho," I say, not even turning to look at her. I can feel the girl frown at my use of an honorific, or the fact that I don't really look at her, I don't actually care._

_"I was wondering, Yugi-tachi are going to the arcade, um, do you maybe want to join us?" The girl asks, and this time I turn to look at her, she looks so deflated, I kind of feel bad, I don't want anyone else to feel this pain._

_"Sure, I'm sorry about my attitude, I've just... it's complicated." I say flashing the girl one of my fake smiles. Did you know I haven't smiled since I was seven? Yep, those smiles that you see, fake. I'm probably more like that stereotypical emo kid who has a terrible history, thinks that the gods hate him, practices dark magic, and obsessed with the occult, nice isn't it._

_"C'mon," Miho says grabbing my hand and dashing to where the rest of the group stands, their eyes widening at the sight of me._

_"Look guys, I brought Ryou-kun," she says in a sing-songy voice. The others turn to look at me and I sigh, I don't really want to hear all that 'are you sure you can trust Bakura' crap. I mean at least have the audacity to acknowledge me by my first name, acknowledge the fact that we are different people, that he isn't here anymore. That is why I stopped hanging out with them and started talking to Marik. He's a lot like Bakura, but it just isn't the same._

_"Okay, come on Ryou," Yugi finally says and shrugs as he makes his way past his friends and starts walking to the arcade. I sigh as Miho falls in step beside me and starts going on about something random, truth be told, I don't frankly care what the hell she is talking about, but I guess it is better than sitting at home reading. Maybe it isn't, I should call Marik._

Ryou's coming, that's a first. Maybe we can talk, I want to know if he feels the same as me, or is the pain increasing for him every second that he tries to move on.

Mt stomach clenched in pain and I wrap my arms around it so that maybe, just maybe it can stop the pain. It doesn't, however, my action does go noticed by my friends.

"Hey Yug' are ya hungry?" Joey asks, and I sigh, but up that fake happy front.

"Yeah..." I say, but truth be told, I haven't eaten much since he left.

We all make our way into the restaurant, well Burger World and all of us order drinks. We then take our seats and the others are quick to strike up a conversation. I sigh as I smile and nod when everyone else does, but besides that I am not really paying attention to what is going on.

I look across the table to see Ryou's eyes downcast and his fingers moving quickly, he seems to be texting someone, but that truly isn't my business now is it?

"Hey Bakura?" Joey calls out, and Ryou doesn't even look up from what he is doing.

Joey calls out his name trying to get his attention for a while longer, and then I sense why Ryou isn't responding. "Hey Ryou?" Ryou looks up at me, emerald eyes shining. I smile at him and motion to him that Joey was talking to him.

"Yes Joey?" Ryou says softly looking at the blond, he then points to the waitress smiling brightly down at him, a bit too brightly. Actually, now that I notice, she doesn't seem to notice us at all.

"I'm not hungry," Ryou simply says before turning back and going back to texting. Hmm, such an un-Ryou-like answer, and I think Anzu seems to notice this too.

"What do you mean you're not hungry, on a good day you can be as bad as them!" Ryou simply shrugs off the girl's comment and keeps his eyes downcast.

"I'll have a hamburger," I say and watch as my other friends order their meals, I sigh, what are we supposed to talk about now, the fact that this school year is about half way through, the fact that we have college is coming up soon? Hmm, that seems like a reasonable topic.

"Hey guys, where do you guys want to go for college?" I ask, looking each one of them in the eyes.

"Well duh, I want to go to the Dance Academy in America!" Anzu says, and we all sigh, truth be told, we kind of already know that. Well, truth be told, I don't care where they want to go, I want to go to the After Life, but I am not that weak as to fail everything that Atem has done for me.

"Hmm, I want to become a police officer, or a professional duelist, so a college for that!" Joey exclaims proudly, I smile at him, of course he does.

"I want to be a mechanic, so maybe high school will be it for me," Honda explains and Anzu sighs. She can also be as naggy with grades as she can with friendship, it's a shame she doesn't have the best grades in our group.

"I have the company from my dad," Duke says with a shrug, I roll my eyes, I don't want to work at the game shop, I have other plans, like becoming an archaeologist and finding the Millennium Items, mainly, the puzzle. It just can't be over!

"Miho-chan wants to be a model!" Miho says with a bright smile as she grips more tightly against Ryou's arm. "Would Ryou-kun like that?" She asks, and Ryou doesn't even answer her. Who is he texting that is so important?

"I want to go to either an art or music institute, but if neither of those, then an archaeologist or psychologist." Ryou says, not even looking up from his phone, his fingers at the moment perfectly still. "What do YOU want to do Yugi?" Ryou asks, finally looking up, his eyes burning into mine, you know, I just realized, everything about him is light, his hair, his eyes, his skin, one would think it is overwhelming, to me, it reminds me of the White Magician in Monster World, or a form of Silent Magician.

_"I want to be an archaeologist!" Yugi says proudly, and honestly, I'm not surprised. He'll probably go looking for the Millennium Items. I thought about doing that, but I have a life to live, but not only for me, but for Bakura and the Thief King, who never really got to live their lives thanks to Zorc and the Pharaoh. That is the only reason I am still in the realm of the living._

_"Understandable," I mutter, though the others look at me as though I'm crazy. I sigh, I guess I knew deep down that they probably were unlikely to deduce the actual reason, but at least I would hope that they would think that he was following in his grandfather's tracks._

_Yugi looks to his friends, then back to me, his eyes bright like amethyst reflecting the sun...hmm...I'll consider becoming a professional thief too, maybe I can resurrect the idea of the Thief King..._

_"Oh, I get it," Anzu says tears streaming down her cheeks. I would pity her, but she doesn't even know half of the pain._

_"Anzu, you guys had to send him back, it was the only way to make things right," I say, trying to comfort her to some extent._

_"I-I know, it's just, he was our best friend, and we lost him." Anzu whines, "We, we were just getting to know him." She continues, and I sigh. I don't pity them._

_"No, you guys were just getting to know his past, and I guess that's fair since your past usually determines who you'll be, but Yami was able to become someone even while he forgot his. Knowing his past didn't really change anything, he was still the same person, and he felt the same way he felt about you, about all of you." I conclude with a small smile. Don't need them really understanding my true position on this situation._

_"You don't understand! You don't understand the pain of losing the one person you fell in love with!" Anzu almost screams ignoring the stares she receives. The waitress returns with everyone's meals._

_"Uh, excuse me; may I please have some water?" I ask softly, a smile on my face. The waitress flushes pink and nods as she turns and makes her way towards the kitchen._

_"See, I mean look at it Bakura, you can have any girl you want, and you have two girls here right now that like you. You are bound to fall in love, and Yugi, before you say anything, you are the kindest person I know, anyone would be lucky to have you, not only that, but you have your title!" The girl wails._

_I look to where the waitress went and sighed, she doesn't understand. "I don't really like girls..." I say, purposefully aware of how vague I left it, my friends eyes go wide and I have to resist the urge to smirk. Even Miho releases my arms and stares at me._

_"Oh, Bakura, I didn't know..." Anzu starts._

_"Uh...you don't like any of us, do you?" Tristan asks looking at me as though I'm a monster; I look downwards to hide the smirk that threatens to appear on my face._

_"No, don't like guys either," I say, and the others look back at me as though I am insane. I guess they don't understand. "I've been asexual since I was seven, lost the ability to get attached to MOST people and things, and it's a shame too, cause when I get attached to somethwing, I lose it." I say with a shrug. There was silence as the waitress comes back with the drink. She gives me a small wink, and I can see the pitying looks that my friends give her, and then the ones they give Miho._

"I'm sorry Miho, and even if it weren't so, there is still one other thing. Here, look at this." Ryou says, handing the lavender-haired girl his wallet. The girl flips it open and gasps slightly.

"Ryou-kun who's-" Miho starts only to get cut off by Ryou.

"My younger sister, she died when I was seven," Ryou says, and now I realize that we know just as much as we do about Ryou as we did Atem.

"Can I see?" Anzu asks as Miho passes the wallet.

"Aw, you two were so cute!" She inquires as the others continue to take the wallet and look at his sister, finally I get the wallet and I see the two. Ryou is obviously the slightly taller one in the background with shoulder-length white hair and large green eyes. The girl sitting in his lap however has lavender hair, reaching down to the middle of her back, the girl has large navy eyes and she doesn't seem to be looking straight.

"She had cancer, but she died in a car accident on the way to the hospital, she was a lot like you Miho," Ryou explains as he retrieves his wallet, he then turns back to Anzu.

"Unfortunately Anzu, I have seen enough deaths of loved ones that I can't find it within me to pity you or give you sympathy. However, if you want empathy, then I can help you, but so can most of us here. Anzu, you are...smart and beautiful, and you from what I have heard are an excellent dancer. I think you can get any guy you really want, don't forget that you're courageous and you care for your friends. I think any guy would be lucky to have you." Ryou says with a dazzling smile. Anzu flushes for a moment while Miho gives off a soft huff.

"It's hard to believe that you are asexual, especially after that statement." Duke explains and Ryou simply shrugs his eyes back on his phone. "Well that and that was just the largest lead on ever," he continues, and Ryou shrugs again. I believe Duke, which was way too sweet for there to be no feeling behind it.

"Here, it's on the house," The waitress says handing both Ryou and now Duke a vanilla milkshake. Ryou smiles at the woman as does Duke, however when Duke smiles at her, she frowns and points to a blonde girl who waves back at him.

"Well, excuse me, but I'm going to go meet that lady," Duke says climbing over the others and exiting the booth, thus causing the other girl to have to tear her eyes away from Ryou, causing her to see me.

"Oh my gosh! You're the King of Games!" The fangirl says as she dashes back into the kitchen and within a moment all of the staff is out here staring at me.

"Hey, what about me, Joey Wheeler! Runner up in Duelist Kingdom, finalist in Battle city? Oh come on, someone has to know me!" Joey whines, however people instead look to Ryou.

"Aw, it's Ryou Bakura, remember him, he was so good at Battle City, he got all of his cards in one duel, and then poor thing had to go up against the King of Games." One lady states, though Ryou seems to be looking away, using his hair to cover most of his face, though I can see the bright red forming on his cheeks.

"Dang it, if only Kaiba were here!" Another fan proclaims and Joey continues to twitch.

"Uh, excuse me guys, but I guess, it's just that, anou, it was so much easier before everyone came...and, I understand that you guys all want to gawk at Yugi, but, um can you maybe do it before he leaves?" Ryou asks, large green eyes silently pleading with the many fans. Many people let out small aws, and therefore I follow, thus causing many more aws to erupt and for many girls. Wow, I should learn these methods from Ryou...

The many fans turn and make their way back to wherever they came from, many of them blowing kisses over at the two of us. Once they leave Duke returns with a cocked eyebrow, but no one explains what we just went through.

"Definitely not asexual," is the only thing Joey mutters and I sigh.

"We should be getting to the arcade," I say as the waitress hands us the bill, and I notice that my burger isn't on it, oh, I guess it was free. I then notice as the waitress hands a slip of paper, no doubt her phone number over to Ryou and I. Ryou smiles kindly at her and she blushes.

_Everyone pays their part of the bill and we make our way out of the restaurant, throwing away the scrap of paper with her number on it when we are far enough away so that she doesn't notice. Well, I guess he really has no need for it, so why would he keep it?_

_"I'm going to start telling people I am asexual too, then all the girls will love me," I hear Joey proclaim, and I roll my eyes. It's sad to think that they sort of believe me, I hate giving people false hope...most of the time._

_Miho clutches onto my hand and I sigh, even if I did like people, it would probably be guys, much less...clingy. I guess Marik would be happy to know that...what a shame it isn't so? What is also a shame is that I was lying right through my teeth when I was speaking to Anzu. I don't believe that people are beautiful, I believe that nature is, I don't...well I do believe in love, but not towards me, or for me, or in any way if it has to do with me._

_My phone vibrates again and I flip look to see that Marik has replied to my text._

_\God their bastards at times. See, that's why I don't hang out with them.\ The _

_text says as I look down, I sigh._

_/Yes, at times they are... Ugh, and they don't believe that I am asexual, is it that hard to believe that I was born with manners, or that I could lie?/ I respond, purposefully keeping my phone away from the prying eyes of others._

_"Hey Ryou, who you textin' anyway?" Joey asks noticing the fact that for the most part I haven't been paying attention to them, but hey, Marik is my best friend, and he is more interesting than you guys._

_"Marik," I say, and I wait for the gasps to come, I am not disappointed. If Marik still had his ability to hate, he would definitely hate them, same with me..._

_"You guys talk?" Joey asks slightly surprised. My eyes are still glued to my phone though, and it vibrates again, letting me know that Marik has responded._

_\Yes...at times I just think you are hiding your love for me :P\ Marik teases and I feel myself smile a bit. I see why Bakura and Marik were good friends, Marik is that type of person that you can kind of just relax around, regardless if he is evil or not._

_/Oh, I love you so much. :P They find it strange that we hang out.../ I respond, playing along with Marik for the time being._

_"Yeah, he's my best friend," I say, and once again, the expected gasps arrive. "Oh come on, after the Ceremonial Duel we started hanging out, now he's my best friend." I say, and there is silence._

_"...wow..." Is the only response I get as the others stop walking, I shrug, I don't see why they are surprised, I guess the real analytical people within their group (no offense Seto) aren't here, so they wouldn't consider that?_

_"We're here," I say, breaking the awkward silence that everyone had fallen into as I turn and make way into the arcade._

"Wow, it seems like forever since we've been here," I say, looking at the large arcade before me. The others murmur in agreement before we all disperse about the arcade, I end up at the fighting game with Joey. Joey takes his seat and inserts a quarter and we start our fight.

It's a shame that I'm winning but not paying attention. No, I remember a long time ago when we came here and Seto first challenged me to a duel, how he had captured my grandfather, how that guy, had beaten me up and taken my Millennium Puzzle, how I learned that Joey really is my best friend. This is about the time that we first met the other Bakura. It just seems so long ago, four years to be exact. How will I get used to a life of nothing interesting, no more adventures, no more Yami...

I am not going to cry. Yami would want me to be strong, that's what he taught me to be, right. He taught me strength and courage and I taught him kindness and mercy that is why we found each other that is why we are where we are.

The back of my eyes start to sting and within a moment warm salty tears flow down my cheeks, I hate it, and I just, is it too much to ask for your other half back?

"Yugi?" Joey's voice is uncharacteristically soft as warm honey orbs look my way. I don't want him to see me like this though, not now, not after I lost him. I quickly get up and try to make my way out of the room; I rush out of the arcade and make my way home, I just can't do this anymore.

I storm into the game shop and slam the door behind me. I run straight past my grandfather who is making a deal with someone and I storm into my room, slamming the door shut behind me. I hear my grandfather calling up the stairs to me, but I don't answer him, I can't, I just can't do this anymore. Just, ugh.

_Once I make my way into the arcade I sigh, I don't have the money to play the games. My money now is going to my bill and paying for college, saying that my dad says I have to get a job and help pay my way to college. That is why I do so much art. I have to make money somehow, and now I am relying on selling my art, and still having to keep a portfolio so that I can make it to the college of my choice. I don't even eat as much anymore, well unless Marik force feeds me by sitting on me and shoving food down my throat._

_I sigh as I sit in the small café area, smiling when I see Miho having fun with Anzu, it's nice to know that everyone around you is happy; sometimes it helps me to just feel better. A small sigh escapes my lips. What am I doing with my life? Simple, I am living in the shadow of my friends._

_\Good now we can have sex tonight :P\ Marik says and I sigh. It's tempting, I mean, I guess it's just the fact that I am a teenager and I have these Ra damned urges, and Marik already knows that, and he says that he has the same, it's just that well, it would be wrong to have sex with him knowing that he has feelings for me and that I don't return them. This always happens to me, and these conversations always end up out of hand._

_/Marik…/ It's the only thing I reply and I sigh. He knows this, and it's just that ugh, now I am fanaticizing Marik naked above me._

_Yugi runs out of the arcade and I notice his friends following him. I sigh, I don't pity him, it's not like he has done anything to deserve it. I make my way to exit the arcade, but instead of going the way to the Kame Game shop I make my way home._

_I finally make it to my apartment and am not shocked to see Marik on my couch, his fingers rapidly moving over the keys of his phone, only to stop when I shut the door behind me._

"_Hey, sorry about that, you know how it is?" Marik asks, cocking an eyebrow innocently at me. I sigh but then flash him a smile. "Please don't, you look to takeable when you do." Marik says and I frown, making my way to sit next to him._

"_So, how are you feeling?" I ask with a smirk, this is something that we often do nowadays._

"_Empty, and you?" Marik asks with a smirk of his own._

"_Numb," I reply._

"_Long live the Pharaoh," Marik says and we start cracking up._

**Author's Notes:**

**So, this is simply a two shot that struck me when I finished watching **_**Yu-Gi-Oh!**_**. There are other stories that I want to write now, however those plot bunnies will not be written until the vote on my poll is over and well, a while from now.**

**In the meantime, review please, and take the poll on my page. This is actually something that gives you a teaser of **_**Gone with the Wind **_**though I don't really have any favorites.**

**Next chapter: Marik…**


	2. Chapter 2

Numb II

Most babies are born into the world crying, some are not. Why you might ask, there are many reasons: some actually most, because they are not breathing, some because they can't breathe, they are dead, and some because of other birth complications.

I cried when I came into the world. I cried quite often actually. Do you know how awkward it is to know that you are to never leave the place of your birth? That you are to be locked in a hole, protecting some stupid secret for some stupid Pharaoh who you never knew, and worst of all, knowing the fact that eventually you were going to marry your sister and produce offspring.

I know better now, now I know that there is an entire world for me to explore, and I am quite eager to do so. I also know that there would be some genetic issues if I tried to reproduce with Ishizu, thanks to Ryou. Though, what bothers me is why there isn't something wrong with me.

Ryou claims that there is a lot wrong with me, just nothing having to do with genetics, I don't know if I should believe him. You see, I didn't learn this in the hole and well, I have no interest in learning it now. Hell, I don't even know if I exist to the rest of the world, records on me would be scant, if not completely non-existent.

A small sigh escapes my lips, but then I smile and pull out the little journal Ryou bought me. He told me that I should tell a story. So, at first I wrote little paragraphs about my life, but then, I found this book, and when I read it, it was different. The stories didn't have long sentences as Ryou taught me, in fact, they didn't have sentences at all. They had little lines that seemed to flow together in a way a sentence never could, and it was beautiful.

So, I decided to sit down and try to recreate one of these beautiful stories, but I couldn't. Yet, I admired them so, the way the words blended together into that perfect little tone. Now, don't get me wrong, there were stories in there too, in fact, most of them were stories, good stories, albeit depressing with messed up endings, and I smirked realizing how right they were and how much they made sense to me, explained me. I wanted to meet this Edgar Allen Poe guy.

That day Ryou came home and told me that he died a long time ago, and that these wonderful things that I had fallen in love with we're poems. He then pulled out a small book that had the words "To Amane" on them and showed me the book. He opened it up and more of these lyrical things covered the page, sure they didn't rhyme, but they sounded so beautiful, they didn't have to.

"Teach me," I had demanded of him, and that is exactly what he did. He started with the basics, and slowly, ever so slowly we advanced together until I became this expert poet. Ryou then admitted that he had never been good with poetry, and that it was his mother who wrote the book (she wrote one for each child) and that is when I learned that he was an artist, but, enough about him.

I open the plum colored book and flip to the first clean page that I find, a small smile on my face.

Scream

He's right there

Even when you don't see him

He is lurking in the Shadows

Watching

Waiting

He knows you will screw up

And when you do he jumps

You fight back

And even better you win

And then he is gone

And you are left alone

All alone

And you laugh, because you think you are free

But you are now only more messed up then when you started

I sigh staring at the depressing poem. I have written a lot of these before, but I could never decipher who I was writing about. Is it Mariku or my father? They were both monsters, and although Mariku claims he was protecting me from my father and the likes of him, the two could have been one and the same.

A small frown crosses my face and a groan escapes my lips. Mariku is gone, I am supposed to be happy and to be free, but I'm not, there is just this strange numbness in my body and heart. Ha, freedom, the thought of it makes me sick, because freedom is just a silly notion that you are tricked into believing while you are controlled in underhanded ways. Sure, when he was alive I was bound to Mariku, but now that he is gone, I don't know, and maybe that is why I am so afraid.

I get up from the small couch and make my way to the door. I need to get out, do something with my life.

I pull on my helmet as grab my keys from the counter before making my out the door and to where my motorcycle is parked. I put my helmet on and turn on the ignition but then sigh. This isn't what I wanted.

I make my way upstairs and back into the apartment where I throw my helmet and keys haphazardly in the room before grabbing my wallet and heading for the door.

I'll admit, although I love motorcycles, but I prefer to travel by foot. It allows me to take in the scenery and enjoy what it is that life has to offer, something that I used to be unable to do.

I accidentally bump into something and fall on my behind. I look up to see a man snarling back down at me, about to punch me. I whimper before quickly moving out of the way and starting on my way.

The old me, probably would have punched him and beaten the shit out of him, but now, I just don't care. I don't have any emotion towards it. I have lost the emotion to hate, and no matter how often that I joke that hate has only caused problems in my life, there must be a reason that it is there in all other people, isn't it?

I continue in my walk to down the street, slowly making my way to the large gates to Domino High and then stand outside just staring in. I want to attend school, but unfortunately I am unable to do so until Ryou's finished tutoring me.

I know, it is strange to know that there is a teenager that wants to go to school, but I need a distraction from my life. When I am alone, I have time to think, to ponder, to ask, to remember. I don't like remembering though, I don't like asking, it always ends with self-resentment, emptiness which I suppose is supposed to be anger, and loneliness.

I sigh as I turn and make my way back down the street, passing the many bright mini-shops that line the streets of Domino. Loneliness...hmm, that word seems to be more and more fitting. There are times, in which I feel trapped; actually, I know that I am trapped.

I made a yami. I took all my negative energies and focused them together to the point in which they became their own evil entity. He then tries to take over the world, no... I then try and take over the world. Me and my dark aren't separate people like the other two, no, this is the hate of a little boy, welled up and forced out.

Is that why I got along so well with Yami Bakura, why the other me got along so well with him. It's because he was the hatred of a little boy, except, he also had the demon of darkness too. So, how would I have gotten along with the Thief King?

Ryou once sat me down and explained to me how he and the Thief King were one and the same. That there were so many similar factors within their lives, and the fact that they were the same, or in simple terms, he was the reincarnation. But, you can't think of Ryou a the Thief King. But, he did try and tell me to look at it a different way, Bakura, in a way was also his cast out feelings, the reason he felt no loss when someone died. I don't understand why he told me that, was he fishing for sympathy, because he didn't get any.

I turn into a small cafe that seems to be decorated in hues of calm blue, light gray, black and white. I make my way to the end of the short line and patiently wait my mind completely blank and unaware of my surroundings as I await my turn.

Finally, I make it to the front of the line and order a mango smoothie and a bagel with cream-cheese. Once I get my food and pay I make my way over to the corner of the store and take a seat, lightly sipping on my smoothie as I pull out the little journal I write in and open to a new page.

Humans have emotions for reasons

So what happens when they fade away?

You are left empty

A solid shell of your former self

You wallow on with what you do

But you don't feel anything

You are simply there

Like that leaf that falls from the tree

No one cares about you

No one pays attention as you fall

Many will step on you accidentally, breaking you

Some will purposefully jump on you and smash you until you are destroyed

Yet, you don't care

You don't feel anything

There is nothing there for you to feel

Well that's a lie, there is

Emptiness...

It's a small pain within you

That feeling that you are missing something

Something you need

Even if you don't want it

Humans have emotions for reasons

So what happens when they disappear?

That's simple, you become me...

I stare at the ending. Is that really how I feel? Do I feel like there is nothing to me?

No, I _know_ that there is nothing to me. I am an object for people to use, for people to step on, to ignore.

_What about Ryou? _

I need him. I know I do, but he doesn't need me, or if he does, he refuses to accept it. He doesn't feel anymore, he is just like Bakura. Exotic, different, strong, they don't rely on others, they never have and they never will. It's just some fluke that he keeps me around; he probably pities the pathetic excuse of a person I am. I mean who makes their own yami?

Why couldn't I have given sadness and depression to my yami also? At least then I could be one of those annoyingly perky people like those from the friendship squad. Actually, I think Ryou would have murdered me if I became like them.

I finally make my way to the place near the beach that Ryou has shown me. I take a seat by two of the trees and lean back a bit to relax. I remember the first time we came here.

_Flashback_

_"So why did you bring me here?" I ask, looking over at Ryou as we hops over a rock. He turns around and flashes me a dazzling smile and giving a reassuring squeeze of my hand. I blush, the boy is so beautiful in the moonlight, and there is a part of me hoping that maybe, just maybe we will get together._

_"I wanted to show you something," Ryou says, pulling me into the seat. I land next to him and smile softly as he runs and gives me another dazzling smile._

_"What is it?" I ask, and Ryou simply motions his hand ahead of us. I turn my head to follow his hand and gasp._

_Before us, stands a couple trees, with leaves of evergreen green. The moonlight seems to bounce off of the shiny petals, landing on the healthy green grass, giving it a heavenly glow in the light. Behind that there was a sandy beach, and then the midnight hue color of the ocean, the moon reflecting off of it and causing the rippling water to have a picturesque look. I then turn to look over at Ryou, who is staring ahead of him, his hand still gripping onto mine, regardless of the fact that he earlier that day had told me he was asexual. I hate that fact though, because he is beautiful, especially the way the moonlight highlights his pale features, making the boy look almost heavenly._

_I feel Ryou slip his hand out of mine and I frown, because deep down I was enjoying holding his hand._

_"It's beautiful isn't it...?" Ryou whispers and I turn my attention to the scene before us, my hand subconsciously moving back to grab his. An exasperated sigh escapes Ryou's lips as our hands connect, but he makes no move to move his hand away._

_"Everyone is different, and everyone's life is different," he starts, and I turn to look at him. "Most people have normal lives, in which they experience all things and emotions, from glee, to depression." He continues and now I cock an eyebrow at him, where is he going with this? "But, some people don't have normal things, and they end out missing out on things that they should experience. For me, it was love and the thought of settling down with someone. But, I have no intentions of letting that happen. You, you need to see the world, you need to experience the world and the people in it. I've done that before, so I can make informed decisions, you, you haven't seen what the world has to offer you." Ryou explains, the ending sounding hysterical, instead of the mysterious a disinterested voice he started with._

_I frown for a moment, but then realize what Ryou needs. He needs a consistency in something, anything, while I need something new. So, I will be that thing that remains constant in his life, and hopefully he will go traveling with me. _

_I pull the boy into my arms and allow him to cry into my shoulder. I can't help the smirk that forms on my lips as I whisper the words "I will always be there for you," I whisper and I feel him nod and move. Within a moment he is kneeling before me, wiping the stray tears on his face, sitting there looking all too beautiful._

_"Thank you, we should be leaving," Ryou explains and he gets up to leave. I simply follow._

_Flashback End_

Ryou told me that some people missed out on things, that I missed out on the natural world and the people in it. Ryou once told me that to him the most beautiful thing in the world was nature. I completely agree.

There are times in which I feel one with nature, and that is when everything goes right, like that time when I learned that Ryou would never leave me either.

/Help me; I am stuck with the Friendship Gang!/ Ryou texts and I smile at t my friend's text. Oh this was going to be funny.

**Author's Notes:  
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**And now my two-shot is over. So, tell me what you think…what you think of the insight, and vote on my poll.**


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